i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
