In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
