I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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