I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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