how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
