my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
