I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Randomize
