high people should be assigned attendants
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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