I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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