the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
