Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
