So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
