I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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