I need help removing her.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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