my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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