the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Is Oprah even human
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
