I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
