woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
