I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
