We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
