he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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