and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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