You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize