PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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