Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
