i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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