Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
