With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
