he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She announced her abortion via fbk
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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