just tell him i said nine months
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
