why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
