You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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