Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
