She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I understand Curling. That high.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You are a genius and a whore.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
