What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
