I am puke
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
