he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
