im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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