Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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