I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
