Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
