I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
