Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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