After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
