Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
