dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just high enough for therapy.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
