so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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