I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize