I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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