Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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