I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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