Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
