Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
