I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
