p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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