I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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