I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I supernannyed him into submission
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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