She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
