There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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