Cold hands, warm shart.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
God, I missed his penis.
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