I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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