if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
