Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
