I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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