I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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