The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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