You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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