I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
