I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
