i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
