oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
