Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
