You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
