This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
