Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
