You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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