Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
