Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
