I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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