Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yo dont text me then not text me
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
