are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
