can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
