I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
