Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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